He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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