First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
