everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
