Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
