don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
