hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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