I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
