I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
