You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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