He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
