My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
