Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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