i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Randomize
