I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
