Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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