I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
