how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Found your dick twin last night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
