I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
