Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
