Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
