hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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