I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
