May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
