Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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