In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
