I heard we made out
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
