Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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