no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
