paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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