that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
