Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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