I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
tell me about the eggs
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
