im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
