Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We got so high we made milksteak
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
