ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
do nipples grow back?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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