So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you would pick up someone in the library
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
