If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
