why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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