you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
