Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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