I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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