How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
