dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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