No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
