I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
