I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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