So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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