The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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