Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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