I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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