i think my tv is drunk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
