Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
